Behavior in Public Places: Teach Your Child Good Behavior

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KEY POINTS

• Taking your child to restaurants, stores, and other public places works best if you plan ahead. You may want to start with short trips to teach your child how to behave.
• Be consistent. Praise and attention, along with discipline, are the tools for teaching your child. Discipline alone will not work.
• If your child misbehaves in specific situations, you may want to avoid that situation until your child is a little older.

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Taking your child to restaurants, stores, and other public places works best if you plan ahead.

Training Trips

To make trips to public places more enjoyable, start by taking some "training trips." These are short trips made for the purpose of teaching your child how to behave in public places. Going to a store can be a good place to start. Training trips should not last more than 5 to 15 minutes.

• Choose a time when the store is not busy.
• Make rules clear before you leave home. Make sure your child understands what you want him or her to do. If you are not sure your child knows what to do, ask him or her to repeat the rules. Go over the rules again right before you enter the "training area." Some suggestions for rules include:
  • Stay with Mom or Dad. Do not walk off by yourself.
  • Do not pick up or touch things unless Mom or Dad says it’s OK.
  • We are not going to buy anything on this trip.
  • No yelling. Use your “inside voice.”
• Touch your child gently on the back or briefly give him or her a hug when behaving well.
• Praise your child when he or she is doing what you want. For example, you can tell your child, "You are doing the right thing by staying next to mommy."

Plan a fun activity such as going to the park or watching a movie together after the training trip.

General Guidelines

• Involve your child in the activity as much as possible. Keep your child interested with lots of physical contact, praise, teaching, and talking.
  • You could give your child a list and have him or her carry it as your “helper.” Have your child get groceries for you or place them in the cart. Give your child instructions such as "Get me the green can, please," or "Bring me the bag of pretzels, please."
  • Talk with your child about what you are doing. For example, you might say, "We're going to make sloppy joes with this hamburger meat. You really like sloppy joes, don't you?"
  • This is also a good time to teach your child about the world. For example, "Bananas grow on trees. What else can you think of that grows on trees?"
  • Plan ahead. If you are going to a place where your child may need to wait for a bit, take along toys or favorite books. Keeping your child from getting bored may help prevent acting out.
• If your child breaks one of your rules, give him or her a warning. If your child still does not behave, immediately put him or her in time-out, which is usually 1 minute for each year of age. This can be any place that is generally out of the normal flow of foot traffic. Many grocery stores have a seating area where you can spend time-out with your child. In other places, you might need to go outside or to the restroom for a time-out. In some cases, you may need to go to your car. Be calm and matter of fact, without raising your voice or threatening. For example, "I would like you to stop banging the chair. It's bothering the other people here. If you can't stop, we'll go out to the car for a time-out." If your child continues the behavior, calmly take your child by the hand or carry him or her to the car and start the time-out. Be sure to stay nearby so you can see your child and make sure he or she is safe.
• Be consistent. Straying from your training one time could ruin months of successful trips.
• Stay calm. Your child is not trying to be bad. The lights, sounds, people and new things in public places, are exciting for your child and he or she may not be able to stay in control.

Generally, the better your child behaves at home, the better he or she will behave in public. When you are having trouble in public, step up your efforts at home. If your child misbehaves in specific situations, you may want to avoid that situation until your child is a little older. For example, a toddler is too young to sit quietly at a fancy restaurant. Praise and attention, along with discipline, are the tools for teaching your child. Discipline alone will not work.